They say
by silver.wings.34
Summary: They say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Well, whoever “they” may be, I’d like to beg to differ.
1. What Doesn't Kill You

They say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Well, whoever "they" may be, I'd like to beg to differ. You see, in my experience, what hasn't killed me hasn't made me stronger, on the contrary in fact. What hasn't killed me has only made me build higher walls around my heart. I'm no mason of course, but throughout my life, I've learned that if you don't create that barricade, if you don't build those walls higher and higher, they'll crumble to the ground and you'll be left to pick up the pieces of your heart that shattered with it.

Sure, I could open myself up again, I could knock down a few of those purely metaphorical walls, but why would I risk it? Why would I risk putting my heart out there, loving someone only to have them let me go? Why would I even want to open myself up to that much suffering?

"They" also say that it's worth it. That when you meet that person, you'll just know. But how can I know if this person is worth it, if I can't trust them enough to let them climb those ivy covered walls? How is any amount of pain worth the limited connection you feel? Emotions, love, that's all transient, fleeting. I may not be a mason, but my walls will stand strong.

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I know, I have a thing for angst. But let me know what you think about this one. It was about a twenty minute excursion that I'm not sure about, but I may continue. Thanks for reading!


	2. absence

Takes place during the end of season 4

They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but right now at this very moment, as I watch him lying in bed, absent in every way except physical, this deficiency only causes pain.

The millions of things I should have said, I should have told him speed through my head as I try to keep my emotions in check. As I told Angela, this isn't about me.

The surgery went fine, the doctors were proficient but it is this impenetrable waiting game that frightens me most. He can't leave me, can he? The statistics answer my own question though I try vehemently to disagree. Think with your heart he would tell me, as anatomically incorrect as the statement is. But my heart can't stop every terrible scenario bleeding though my thoughts.

The team has been doing everything that they can, for him and for me. Even though they think I'm socially inept, I don't miss the looks between them after I refuse to leave his side once again. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't. I can't miss that moment if, no _when_, he wakes up. _Or if he doesn't_ I think cynically, trying to shake away the icy threads of fear that slip through me, latching on with fingers of steel. So as I look into Angela's pity filled eyes I try to articulate the pain constricting my heart,

"I just can't."

She nods quietly, understanding more than she needed to. She gives my arm a supporting squeeze and leaves again, leaving me to stare at the listless man in front of me.

Yes they may say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but I'm inclined to disagree.


	3. Love is Blind

Hey guys, this is officially more than a one shot. It'll be pretty sporadic since I'm back in school but I promise I'll do it as much as I can.

This one references the season 5 episode where Brennan goes out with Booth's boss's boss (watch the interview where she tries to say it, pretty funny lol)

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They say "love is blind". Well, for all who want to know, I'm living proof of that statement. For years I lived blindly, behind "guy hugs", brainy smurfs and "eventually". For years she was "just my partner", even though I knew that fear that I felt when she was in danger was far more than partnerly. When Cam broke it off, she cited the lack of future for us as a reason, but I always knew that she looked closer than that. So I tried to cover it up. I tried not to show my awe at how beautiful Bones was, or how much I loved just to watch her passion when she went into one of her anthropological lectures. I covered it up and remained blind.

But now, as I watch her, primping for her date with my boss's boss, I can't help the ache that resonates. She asked me over to give her advice and the date seems more important to her than I had imagined. The twinge I feel as I tell her what to wear on her date with another man makes sure that the veil is lifted. I can't be blind any more.

"Are you excited?" I ask, struggling against the lump in my throat as I watch her give a small twirl in the red dress I had approved. She shrugs noncommittally and her blue eyes catch mine. There's something there, something beyond the regular predate emotion. As she turns back, I recognize the feeling—it's a longing and I should know it, I see it in my own eyes every time I look at her. She smiles at me through the mirror, that soft, affectionate smile that so rarely graces her features.

Finishing her makeup, she gives me a "thank you" with that same look in her eyes and I come to my own realization. There's a knock on the door and our eyes both jump to the offending sound. She grabs her coat, telling me to stay as long as I want. I wish her good luck and watch her leave without me.

So, while they say love is blind, they also say "none are so blind as those who refuse to see". And maybe I'm not the only one.


End file.
